The Slash Pairing From Hell
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: One terrible day, an annoying human meets an annoying alien. [slash alert I wrote this on a dare!]


By animeninjaNIPPON

OK, let's settle this once and for all, because I know someone's going to ask 1) why Skoodge, 2) why Iggins, or 3) why Skoodge/Iggins! I don't know whether or not I'm the first to pair these two, but let me explain why I wrote this: my brother, my kid sister and I were talking about fanfiction pairings, and joke pairings, and well… one thing led to another, and my bro dared me to do a Skoodge/Iggins fic. If others after me choose to favor these two, then to each their own…

Also, I don't own IZ, etc. and since these two characters are fairly minor, I can't guarantee they're completely IC. I'm not Jhonen Vasquez, and if I keep saying that, people just might believe the opposite… heh heh …

* * *

It was a terrible day. The city was on fire, and helpless citizens screamed in agony as a boy in a black trench coat with an oversized head angrily chased a green-skinned boy wearing a black wig down the flaming streets. They passed an angry cop handcuffing a green-haired boy in a maroon T-shirt pinned to the side of a police car.

"What's your name, kid?" the cop snarled.

"Patrick Star," the boy mumbled, half-panicked.

"Your REAL name!" the cop growled, shoving the boy even harder against the car. The mystery child had no time to answer true or false, for right then a large meteor-like fireball slammed into the opposite end of the car, setting off the alarm. The cop screamed something about the apocalypse and ran far, far away.

The green-haired boy took advantage of that scenario to slip out of the unlocked cuffs, but curiosity drew him to the flaming ball, which was actually…

"WOOOOOW! AN ALIEN! A REAL LIVE ALIEN!"

The chubby green alien blinked his scarlet eyes as he stepped out of the wreckage with a dutiful air. "Invader Skoodge here, ready to search and destroy this – " He turned to the side. "Who or what are you?"

"I'm Iggins!" the green-haired boy proudly announced. "I'm a human from the planet Earth! Well, sometimes I pretend I'm from Mars in this online RPG I've been into for about a month – do you know anything about role-playing? 'Cuz I – "

"I'm supposed to enslave you," Skoodge interrupted. "And, uh, I think I'm supposed to kill you if you don't comply to my race's demands, but the Tallest never gave me any weapons before they shot me out of the – "

"WHOA, I can't believe it!" Iggins continued. "A real – wait, you're going to kill me? Please, PLEASE don't kill me, Mr. Alien!" He fell to his knees and begged, sobbing crocodile tears.

"Uh, lemme see…" Skoodge looked to his left and right to see if he dropped anything. "Nope – nothing. I had nothing when I landed on Hobo 13, and I still have nothing. I don't even know how I got here."

Iggins suddenly brightened and stood up. "So, where are you from, Mr., uh…"

"Skoodge."

"Skoodge?"

"I am part of the superior Irken race!"

"Never heard of it. Are they from Uranus?"

"Uh, no. I'm from Irk."

"Oh."

They looked at each other in curious stupor for a moment before Iggins squealed, "WOW! I'm ACTUALLY talking to an ALIEN! I'm actually talking to an alien in PERSON! I'm actually talking to SOMEONE in person…"

"And I'm talking to a – what did you say you were again?"

"A human – from Earth. You're on Earth now. Why are you here exactly? Are you here to interbreed with other life forms?"

"Why, do you want me to?" Skoodge gave a puzzled look. "If that's your planet's custom – "

"EWW, NO! That's SICK! That's WRONG! That's…" He gave a quick glance to both sides before continuing. "That's COOL! That same thing happened in this game I imported from Japan called _Hoshi no Trooper_, which is Japanese for _Star Trooper_, and…" He looked at Skoodge straight on. "I never thought I'd actually meet a REAL ALIEN!" Without warning, he gave a little hop and squeezed Skoodge in an unexpected (and unexplainable) embrace. "This is SO COOOOL!" He screamed with excitement. Not knowing what else to do, Skoodge screamed and hugged back. Their unified screaming echoed throughout the singed city, catching the attention of the deviant duo that abruptly ended their violent game of tag to stare at the unlikely couple.

"Oh, dear LORD!…" they exclaimed simultaneously.

The End


End file.
